“Change Scares Me” Part II

Last week I discussed why the autistic person struggles so much with change. In this blog I will discuss how the parent/caregiver or therapist can work with the child who is resistant to change and needs to control his environment.

It is important to remember that the child, teen or adult is resisting change for a good reason. As I discussed last week, the individual did not benefit from an attachment so everything is ‘scary.’ It is scary because we learn and acquire our knowledge about ourselves as we are going through the attachment process. Thus the person with autism has not had the benefit of understanding himself so thus lacks self-esteem and self-agency to represent his needs to others. He thus is at the mercy of others needs and wishes. We can say he does not have ownership of himself. Once he gains the understanding, recognition and ownership of himself, he will be able to more easily manage change and transitions.

The following are suggestions to use when working with an autistic person who resists change or has a hard time with transitions. It is important to keep in mind that each child will have distinctive ways he likes to be approached. Also each child is unique and therefore the following suggestions are not meant to be “cookie cutter” approaches that fit for every child: 1) generally it is important to approach the child (I will use ‘child’ for the rest of this blog, but the same techniques will work with teens and adults) slowly. Slowness is important because the child is anxious and overwhelmed about new and changing things. Slowness allows the child to feel less anxious and possibly embrace the change, 2) use a low tone of voice that is well modulated, 3) explain in detail what will be happening that is different and also the same. I call this ‘filling in the gaps’. People with autism need to hear constant knowledge of what is happening to help them feel less alone and to know that everything will be ‘okay’, 4) some children respond well to using puppets or toys to act out the change, 5) ask the child for his feelings about the difference and the change even if he is nonverbal or echolalic, 6) use transitional objects (blanket, toy, picture of you) to help in a transition. For example, give him a special toy as you drop him off at school. You are giving him a reminder of you that he can carry with him during the day. When I work with children, I let them take a toy home to remind them of our work together, 7) the child will probably consistently rebel about change until they stop rebelling. You will need to find the best way for your child to navigate change. It will happen and you will need to hold onto hope that he can make it happen. Do not give up if he relapses with new changes, 8) during a relapse/meltdown, hold the child (if he allows it) and talk to him about the fears he might be having, 9) notice the small changes the child makes in attempting to navigate change. When you notice his successes, let him know that you see them, he can than feel good about himself and his self-esteem will improve, and finally 10) think about working with change as a ‘work in progress’. This means there will be ups and downs, but the child will begin to navigate change when he knows he has you along the way and when he can start to see he can claim ownership and mastery of the new situation.