Functioning Without a Mind

I feel like I have no mind to use with others. I know I have a mind. It thinks. It sees. It reads. But this mind is different than others. This mind disappears in the presence of others. Others’ minds are the boss of my mind. I am at the whim of everyone. I feel like a ball being tossed from one person to another. I am controlled by whomever I am in front of. It is as if the “other” controls me. I lose myself in the “others” presence. Myself, my mind, does not work with an “other.” It stops and goes blank. It is scary to not have a mind that I can use. It is like others stop me from existing. They have the control and I must adhere to their existence. They have not been left out. They are people.

Let’s make sense out of this autistic child’s experience. We can only guess about what is going on within him. He is telling us that his mind seems to be different than others. In other words, he is aware that he feels different from others. He is also telling us that he has no control over his mind. He knows he can function intellectually (reading, thinking and seeing), but loses access to what is on his mind when he is in the presence of others. Additionally, he is telling us he feels controlled by others ‘very’ presence. It appears that he has no freewill and control over his environment, but instead feels like he is at the mercy of whoever he is in relationship to. Finally, he concludes that others have the control and he must adhere to that control.

This child is describing what I call a lack of self-agency. Self-Agency is the ability of the self to take initiative, to regulate oneself and to be the source of one’s behavior. How can we help this child who lacks self-agency? Self-Agency develops over time, as does the child’s ability to take initiative and to take control over his environment. This does not happen quickly.

Some steps that may be helpful for the child and yourself are: 1) belief and recognition that the phenomenon of a ‘lack of agency’ is occurring and that there is something that can be done about it, 2) explain to him your understanding of a lack of self-agency (optional – but can help some children realize that they have not caused this to happen), 3) remember - the child is not complying or not demonstrating initiative because he is difficult, but instead his body will not let him, 4) the child needs to learn that there is ‘space’ for him in the relationship with you. This is accomplished by always creating an opportunity for dialogue between the two of you (even if he does not speak). He needs to know that you are creating ‘space’ for him with you, 5) give him the time to be in relationship with you. He may feel rushed in the relationship. Let him know that he can take the time he needs to communicate, 6) help him symbolize what is on his mind. For example, when watching television or a video, talk about what you see the people doing and feeling and ask him what he sees and feels as well. Continue to do this in the relationship between the two of you by always asking what he is feeling. If you are playing ball, have a continuous dialogue with him such as “I am catching the ball and now I am throwing the ball back to you and you caught it." This process can be done with nonverbal, echolalic and higher functioning children, 7) Give room for feelings in the relationship – positive and negative and 8) validate and recognize every action of self-agency and initiative he takes. By doing this you are not only reinforcing his attempts at initiation, but also you are helping him become more conscious of himself.